The Day I Turn To God

These fuckers scared the shit out of me. Never did i thought that i can carve a smile and it affects people. The smile didn't even help me so how could it work with others ? And these fuckers, i feel like i have to leave again. Those days when i pushed people away and being psychotic, and then turned to god, and left Him again, and seek for Him only when i need someone to talk to. It has been months since i knelt down and spill over, and tears came effortlessly. If and only if I could be alone, and everything works just fine. It could be now, where i want to turn to god and share stories with the one who actually listens even there are those who can still listen, or it could be the time where i should really turn to god, and only him listens and i shall not return.

The thing is, Twitter is overrated. You think it's a kind of perfect page to spill on when it's not. And now you know, i found my place. Leave it for years, i would still looking for a way back and make myself comfortable, cause this is my home. The perfect page where I belong.

Pita

Kau jatuh lalu kau bangun
Seperti nafas itu ditahan
Konon gagah
Lalu air mata mu titis lincah

Cucuknya duri di jari
Seksa perih di hati
Dia uji lagi
Mampu kau diri pada paksi

Sang hidup
Kotak penuh raksa
Angkuhnya kau celup
Bak badang berkuasa

Kau tewas kala di atas
Lantas refleksi cari solusi mapan
Kadang rintih kun bebas
Azalinya ketentuan
Ini bicara cara tuhan

Hero of mine

Have you ever wonder how’s your life could be without her presence ?

Have you ever thought that the person who loves you the most is no one but her ? 

Have you ever consider of pouring your heart to none of your friends but her ? 

Here, let me tell you something. I need you to know. So that you won’t do the same as I did.

She wakes up at 5 in the morning. She cooks and she leaves for work at 7 something. Once she told me, “Mama lunch dekat office makan roti dengan oat je. Petang balik rumah baru mama makan nasi sebab sayang nak keluar duit”. And all I did were spending my dollars on things which you call em useless. Waste. She get back home at 6 and jogs until 7. Does laundry, prepares for dinner, ironing clothes and sleeps at 10. 

That’s her life. 

If you quite unsure about naming your hero, I suggest you put her on the top of the list.

I remember this one memory of mine when I was in secondary school. Never do the laundry by myself cause she told me not to. She came to visit me every Friday evening and took my clothes and told me “Baju biar mama yang basuh, balang duduk asrama ni belajar rajin-rajin”. Then I watched her walked away with that bunch of clothes down the street to her car.

That was the most regretted thought of mine. I should have helped her. I should have at least be there as her companion. But I did not. I shed gallons of tears whenever I have a thought of this. Not to mention countless of heartbreaking things I did since she called me her son. Since I lived to be her son.

Mom, you owe me nothing. But I owe you my life. Never should you die before me, because if you’re not here for me, then a part of me has already leaves with you. 

I’m so proud of you mom.

Guys, go hug your moms a lil tighter today. Because you don’t really know, if you still have your chance to hug them in a second from now. 

"Say I love you mom. I love you."